There’s no doubt that your relationship changes after you have a baby, but no one tells you how it’s really like after the baby arrives. When it was just the two of you, your Sunday mornings were for sleeping in, your lack of sleep was by choice, your schedule of events was free, and you had double income flowing into the bank. Life was good and your relationship was solid, but no matter how great you are, no relationship get untouched by the effects of a newborn baby.
Here are five things I’ve learned about my marriage after Little Ry was born that no one ever told me.
- The fighting is temporary. It’s easy to disagree on certain things and raise your voice which then leads to arguing about something that could have been avoided had we just communicated better. It’s hard enough trying to keep this tiny human healthy & alive, it’s another thing to do the same with your marriage, but I’ve learned that it’s only temporary. Fighting may come more often than it did before, but saying you’re sorry and truly meaning it goes a long way these days.
- Intimacy seems like a distant memory. Of course it takes time to heal, but keeping things in the bedroom sexy is important in any relationship… I just don’t know how some parents have time for that with a newborn. Trying to find time to do that between feedings, changings, and finding time to brush your teeth – I just don’t see how it’s possible!
- Feelings are like a rollercoaster. There are so many feelings on both ends once the baby arrives; joy, excitement, stress, nervousness, love, etc.. but each day your feelings are different towards each other. You’ll have many good days and many bad days and that’s okay.
- Small gestures make big impacts. Now that you have a newborn baby, there isn’t any time for grand gestures or big surprises anymore, but something I’ve learned to appreciate is the small things my husband does for me without me knowing or having to tell him. Like when he gets all of the baby’s bedtime things ready or gets me a coffee or a surprise snack when he runs to the store. Those things are a tremendous help and never go unnoticed.
- You sacrifice a lot. When it was just the two of you, you could be selfish with your time & money. Go on weekend trips and splurge on eating out, shopping, and going places. Now that you have a baby, every decision you make is revolved around the baby. You sacrifice your time with friends because you have to, you sacrifice your truck because you know getting a family car is more practical, and you sacrifice taking care of yourself because your baby requires so much love & attention. Of course these are all great things to sacrifice because you have your little one in this world!
Everyone says the first year of having a baby is the hardest, but I think with communication, plenty of date nights, and a little extra love; you’ll be okay.